|CAT GOES TO HEAVEN
| One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. Greeting
him the Lord says, "You've lived a good life. If there is any way I
can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know."
The cat thinks for a minute and says "Well, all my life I lived with a
poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor..." The Lord
stops the cat and says "Say no more!" Just then a wonderful fluffy
pillow appears and the cat contentedly wanders off to find a good
place to nap.
A few days later six mice killed in a tragic farming accident go to
heaven. The Lord is there to greet them with the same offer. The mice
answer: "All of our lives we've been chased. We've had to run from
cats, from tractors, even from that farmer's wife with her broom.
We're tired of running..." "Say no more!" The Lord replies. In a
flash, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful new pair of roller skates,
and they skate happily off to explore the Heavenly landscape.
About a week later The Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him
snoozing away. He gently wakes the cat and asks, "How are things
since you got here?" The cat stretches, yawns, and replies "Oh, it is
wonderful here. I get a lot of great sleep on this pillow, and those
Meals On Wheels you've been sending are the BEST!!!"
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The toy train
A mother was working in the kitchen and her son was playing in his
room with a train. When his train was pulling to a stop, she heard him
"All of you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off
now, cause this is the last stop! And all you sons of bitches who are