CATEGORIES
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TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT
Misc. Jokes
Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the
world in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the
Navy diet, Weight Watchers, and many more. None worked.
Then, one day, he was reading the Washington Post when he noticed a
small ad that read:
Lose weight
Only $1.00 a pound
Call (202) 555-0238
The man decided to give it a try and called the number. A voice on the
other end asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?"
The man responded, "Ten pounds."
The voice replied, "Very well, give me your credit card number and we"ll
have a representative over to your house in the morning."
About 9:00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. There
stood a beautiful redhead, completely naked except for a sign around her
neck stating, "If you catch me, you can have me."
Well, the hefty fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas,
through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing
like a dog, he did catch her. When he was through enjoying himself, she
said, "Quick, go into the bathroom and weigh yourself." He did just that
and was amazed to find that he had lost ten pounds, right to the ounce!
That evening he called the number again. The voice on the other end
asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?"--to which the
somewhat-less-overweight man replied, "Twenty pounds."
"Very well," the voice on the phone told him, "Give me your credit card
number and we"ll have a representative over to your house in the
morning."
At about 8:00 am the next morning the man receives a knock on the door.
When he opens the door he sees a beautiful blonde dressed only in track
shoes and a sign around her neck stating, "If you catch me, you can
have me." The chase took a good while longer this time and the man
nearly passed out, but he finally did catch her. When he was through
she told him, "Quick, run into the bathroom and weigh yourself." He ran
to the bathroom and found he had lost another 20 pounds!
"This is fantastic!" he thought to himself. Later that evening he called
the number again and the voice at the other end asked, "How much weight
do you want to lose?" "Fifty pounds!" the man exclaimed. "Fifty
pounds?" the voice asked, "That"s an awful lot of weight to lose at one
time." The man replied, "Listen buddy, here"s my credit card number, you
just have your representative over here in the morning!" and he hung up
the phone.
About 6:00 am the next morning the man gets out of bed, splashes on
some cologne and gets all ready for the next representative.
At about 7:00 am he gets a knock on the door. When he opens the door,
he sees this large naked gorilla with a sign around his neck stating,
"IF I CATCH YOU, I'M GOING TO SCREW YOU."
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