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I'VE LEARNED... 
Lists Jokes
...that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk
them and hope they panic and give in.

...that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

...that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not
proof, to destroy it.

...that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After
that, you'd better have a big dick or huge tits.

...that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more
fucked up than you think.

...that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.

...that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are
celebrities.

...that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first,
the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its
place.

...that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down
will be the ones who do.

...that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction
makes us feel better about ourselves.

...that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will
eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.

...that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too
soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

...to say "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.

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Random Joke
Surprise
One evening, as Uncle John and his wife are entertaining guests with
cocktails, they are interrupted by an out-of breath little Johnny who
shouts out, "Uncle John! Come quick! The bull is fucking the cow!"
Uncle John, highly embarrassed, takes young little Johnny aside and
explains that a cer...

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