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EUPHEMISMS FOR BEING STUPID 
Idiots Jokes
A beer short of a six pack.
A brick short of a load.
A couple of eggs shy of a dozen.
A couple of gallons short of a full tank.
A few ants short of a picnic.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
A few bricks short of a pile.
A few bricks short of a wall.
A few cards short of a deck.
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
A few of sheep short of an orgy.
A few peas short of a casserole.
A few tomatoes short of a good thick sauce.
A few trucks short of a convoy.
A fortune cookie short of a Chinese dinner.
A pepperoni short of a pizza.
A few sandwiches short of a picnic.
About as bright as a burnt-out 20 watt light bulb.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
An intellect rivalled only by garden tools.
As much use as a hedgehog in a condom factory.
As much use as a one-legged man at an ass-kicking contest.
As much use as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
As quick as a tortoise on Prozac.
As smart as bait.
As useful as a screen door on a submarine.
As useful as a wooden frying pan.
As useful as tits on a bull.
Body by God, Mind by Mattel.
Bright as Alaska in December.
Doesn’t have both oars in the water.
Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn't have all the dots on his dice.
Dumb as a corn cob.
Dumb as a stump.
Dumber than a bag of rocks.
Elevator doesn't quite make the top floor.
Fell out of the family tree.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
Goes surfing in Nebraska.
Golf bag doesn’t have a full set of irons.<
Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all
together.
Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching.
Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt.
He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way
down.
He is so dumb, the only thing he ever read was an eye-chart.
He played too much without a helmet.
He’s got a mind like a steel trap, rusted shut.
He's got a leak in his think-tank.
He's got a mind like a steel sieve.
He's got his feet firmly planted 3 feet above the ground.
He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
He's so dense light bends around him.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
His cheese has slipped off his cracker.
His porch light ain't on.
If brains were chocolate, he wouldn't have enough to fill an M&M.
If brains were dynamite, he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose.
If brains were dynamite, he wouldn’t have enough to blow his hat off.

If brains were gasoline, he couldn't ride a moped around a fruit
loop.
If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate.
If he had a brain, he'd be dangerous.
If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
If stupid were a talent, he would be considered gifted.
Isn’t firing on all 6 cylinders.
Isn’t firing on all thrusters.
Kangaroo loose in the top paddock.
Like a pair of children’s scissors, bright and colorful, but not too
sharp.
Million dollar body and a 2 dollar engine.
Mind is in neutral, body is in gear.
Mind like a rubber bear trap.
Needing a few screws tightened.
Not firing with all spark plugs.
Not the brightest light in the harbor.
Not the brightest light on the Christmas tree.
Not the sharpest hook in the tackle box.
Not the sharpest pencil in the box.
Off his rocker.
On/off switch is stuck in the off position.
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
One taco short of a combination plate.
One tit short of an udder.
One turbine short of an airplane.
One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Requires directions to lay sod.
Room temperature IQ.
Running about a quart low.
Running on empty.
Sharp as a bowling ball.
She is so dumb, she couldn't tell which way an elevator was going if
she had two guesses.
She's not tied too tight to the pier.
Strong like bear, smart like tractor.
Takes him 1-1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
The elevator is stuck between floors.
Too dumb to pull his head in before he shuts the window.
Too many yards between the goal posts.
Two hub caps short of a Buick.
Warning--Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
Was left on the tilt-a-whirl too long as a baby.
You're the flower of my life (you blooming idiot).
You can't call him an idiot, you'll insult all the idiots in the
world.

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Random Joke
In the elevator
SAD THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR:
* When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the
shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
* Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go
back for more.
* Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push...

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