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A COWBOY'S GUIDE TO LIFE 
Redneck Jokes
Never squat with yer spurs on.

There are two theories to arguin' with a woman; neither one works.

Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew, your mouth is
probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try
orderin' somebody else's dog around.

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started
roaring.
He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop
diggin'.

Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good
whiskey.

Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad
judgment.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and
then to make sure it's still there.

When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be
surprised if they learn their lesson.

When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown
around by somebody else.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it
back in.

Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so
important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it
was.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it
back in your pocket.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

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Random Joke
Donkey racing
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that
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it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for
horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured
that since he h...

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