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I MUST BE DEAD 
The Eldery Jokes
An elderly couple is lying in bed one morning having just awakened
from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't
touch me!"

"Why not," he asks.

She answers back, "Because I'm dead."

The husband says to her, "What on earth are you talking about? We're
both lying here in bed together and talking to one another."

The wife says, "Not so, I'm definitely dead."

Her husband insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you
think you're dead?"

His wife answers, "I know I'm dead, because I woke up this morning
and nothing hurts.

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Random Joke
Santa
Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was
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leave a pile of dog poop in...

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