|OLD GULF WAR QUOTES
When a Joke Becomes the Truth... "President Bush has said that he
does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking,
well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to
become president, either."
"In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of
Saddam Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with food, medicine,
supplies, housing, education - anything that's needed. Isn't that
amazing? He finally comes up with a domestic agenda - and it's for
Iraq. Maybe we could bring that here if it works out."
"President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and
that democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy,
they can have a good health care plan, and they can have a free and
fair voting. Iraq? We can't even get this in Florida."
"Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget
creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly
responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'"
"We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon
of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of
invading Iraq. There's just one problem...it's in North Korea."
"War continues in Iraq. They're calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom.
They were going to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation until they
realized that spells 'OIL.'"
"CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into
three parts...regular, premium and unleaded."
"Iraq began destroying those missiles they don't have over the
weekend. See, President Bush may be the smartest military president
in history. First, he gets Iraq to destroy all of their own weapons.
Then he declares war."
"Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the
Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army, when you
can actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its
"The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow
"Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular."
"The president boasted at the top of his press conference that we
have the support now of Britain and Spain for our attack on Iraq.
You know, when you want to make it perfectly clear to the world that
you're not an imperialist, the people you want in your corner are
Britain and Spain."
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The New Preist and His Mistakes
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor
replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I
put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get
nervous, I take a sip."