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YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF... (PART VI)
Redneck Jokes
...you've ever re-used a paper plate.
...you've ever shot anyone for looking at you.
...you've ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.
...you've ever slam-shifted a tractor.
...you've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
...you've ever strained your tea through a flyswatter.
...you've ever told the local sheriff that you smell a pig and he
replies, "I knew I should have taken a shower after I slopped the
hogs today."
...you've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
...you've given your gun a woman's name.
...you've got to shuck your toilet paper before you use it.
...you've never paid for a haircut.
...you've run out of room on your arm from the tattoos of all wives
names.
...your Christmas tree is still up in February.
...your Truck has more Neon on it than the window of your local bar.
...your baby's favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the front
yard.
...your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
...your back porch is bigger than your house.
...your best ashtray is a turtle shell.
...your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".
...your boyfriend gives you car parts for your birthday and you like
it.
...your bumper sticker says, "My other car is a combine."
...your car has never had a full tank of gas.
...your car is the only one in a parking lot and you can't find it.
...your coat-of-arms features kudzu.
...your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same
grade.
...your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
...your dungarees expose more than half of your crack in the back
because the weight of your pocket knife.
...your family tree does not fork.
...your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
...your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
...your favorite fruit is chicken.
...your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your
grandfather.
...your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.
...your girlfriend has ever called YOUR parents "Ma and Pa".
...your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few
days.
...your grandma can bench press a truck axle.
...your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
...your grandmother stands up to pee.
...your gun cabinet takes up half your living room.
...your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
...your home has more miles on it than your car.
...your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
...your house has a kickstand.
...your house has more miles on it than your car!
...your idea of a luxury car is one that has the white fur covered
seats in it.
...your idea of a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a
sixpack.
...your idea of going to see a play involves goal posts.
...your idea of good fishing involves the use of a boat, a net and
dynamite.
...your idea of heaven involves two shotguns and a keg of beer.
...your idea of new siding on the house is more tar paper.
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