|POLITICANS AND THE CHICKEN
|THE QUESTION: Why did the chicken cross the road?
GEORGE W BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The
chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite
image of the chicken crossing the road.
HANS BLIX: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet
been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am
now against it!
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
RALPH NADER: The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had
been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the
unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the
wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it
was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that somebody
out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-
the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real
Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And
when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government
took from you to build a road for chickens to cross.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going.
I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes,
the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain ... Alone.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to
cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of
how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its
life-long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing
roads together - in peace.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX: It was an historic inevitability.
RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?
CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before.
SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed
the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just witnessed eChicken2003, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
checkbook ... and Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your
definition of chicken?
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move
beneath the chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
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Democrats new emblem
"Democrats announced today that they are changing their emblem from a
donkey to a condom because it more clearly reflects their party's
political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production,
discourages cooperation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives one a sense
of security while...