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36 THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERNER SAY 
Redneck Jokes
I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
Duct tape won't fix that.
Come to think of it I'll have a Heineken.
We don't keep firearms in this house.
You can't feed that to the dog.
I thought Graceland was tacky.
No kids in the back of the pickup...it's not safe.
Professional wrasslin's fake.
Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
We're vegetarians.
Do you think my hair is too big?
I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
Honey, these bonsai trees need watering.
I don't understand the appeal of NASCAR.
Give me the small bag of porkrinds.
Deer heads detract from the decor.
Spitting is such a nasty habit.
I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-mart today.
Trim the fat off that steak.
Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
The tires on that truck are too big.
I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
I've got it all on floppy disk.
Unsweetened tea tastes better.
Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
My fiancee is registered at Tiffany.
I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
She's too old to be wearing that bikini.
Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
Hey here's an episode of Hee Haw we haven't seen.
I don't have a favorite college football team.
Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
Elvis who?
Checkmate.


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