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CHINESE TORTURE 
Rude Jokes
A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been
nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage
and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One afternoon he
comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and
the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke
coming out of the chimney implying someone is home.

He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a beard almost down to
the ground. The old man squints his eyes and says "What do you want?" The
man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent
meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I could have a
meal and sleep in your house for tonight" The old Chinese man says "I'll let
you come in on one condition: You cannot mess around with my granddaughter"
The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I promise I won't
cause you any trouble. I'll be on my way tomorrow morning." The old Chinese
man counters "Ok, but if I do catch you then I'll give you the three worst
chinese torture tests ever known to man."

"Ok, Ok" the man said as he entered the old house. Besides, he thought to
himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness all her life?
Well, that night, when the man came down to eat (after showering), he saw
how beautiful the granddaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and while he
had only been lost three weeks, it had been many,many months without
companionship. And the girl had only seen the occasional monk besides her
grandfather and well, they both couldn't keep their eyes off each other
throughout the meal.

That night, the man snuck into the girls' bedroom and they had quite a time,
but had kept the noise down to a minimum. The man crept back to his room
later that night thinking to himself, "Any three torture tests would be
worth it after that experience."

Well, the next morning the man awoke to a heavy weight on his chest. He
opened his eyes and there was this huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a
sign saying "1st Chinese torture test: 100 lb rock on your chest". "What a
lame torture test" the man thought to himself as he got up and walked over
to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out. On the backside
of the rock is another sign saying "2nd worst Chinese torture test: Rock
tied to right testicle". The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window
to be grabbed, jumps out the window after the rock. Outside the window is a
third sign saying "3rd worst Chinese torture test: Left testicle tied to
bedpost".


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