|RESTROOM TRIP POLICY
Business & Work Jokes
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
FROM: EMPLOYEE RELATIONS DEPARTMENT
SUBJECT: RESTROOM TRIP POLICY (RTP)
An internal audit of employee restroom time (ERT) has found that this
company significantly exceeds the national ERT standard recommended by
the President's Commission on Productivity and Waste. At the same
time, some employees complained about being unfairly singled out for
ERT monitoring. Technical Division (TD) has developed an accounting
and control system that will solve both problems.
Effective 1 April 1987, a Restroom Trip Policy (RTP) is
A Restroom Trip Bank (RTB) will be created for each employee. On the
first day of each month employees will receive a Restroom Trip Credit
(RTC) of 40. The previous policy of unlimited trips is abolished.
Restroom access will be controlled by a computer-linked voice-print
recognition system. Within the next two weeks, each employee must
provide two voice prints (one normal, one under stress) to Personnel.
To facilitate familiarity with the system, voice-print recognition
stations will be operational but not restrictive during the month of
Should an employee's RTB balance reach zero, restroom doors will not
unlock for his/her voice until the first working day of the following
Restroom stalls have been equipped with timed tissue-roll retraction
and automatic flushing and door-opening capability. To help employees
maximize their time, a simulated voice will announce elapsed ERT up to
3 minutes. A 30-second warning buzzer will then sound. At the end of
the 30 seconds the roll of tissue will retract, the toilet will flush
and the stall door will open. Employees may choose whether they wish
to hear a male or a female "voice". A bilingual capability is being
developed, but is not yet on-line.
To prevent unauthorized access (e.g., sneaking in behind someone with
an RTB surplus, or use of a tape-recorded voice), video cameras in the
corridor will record those seeking access to the restroom. However,
consistent with the company's policy of respecting the privacy of its
employees, cameras will not be operative within the restroom itself.
An additional advantage of the system is its capability for automatic
urine analysis (AUA). This permits drug-testing without the demeaning
presence of an observer and without risk of human error in switching
samples. The restrooms and associated plumbing are the property of
the company. Legal Services has advised that there are no privacy
rights over voluntarily discarded garbage and other like materials.
In keeping with our concern for employee privacy, participation in
AUA is strictly voluntary. But employees who choose to participate
will be eligible for attractive prizes in recognition of their
support for the company's policy of a drug-free workplace.
Management recognizes that from time to time employees may have a
legitimate need to use the restroom. But employees must also
recognize that their jobs depend on this company's staying
competitive in a global economy. These conflicting interests should
be weighed, but certainly not balanced. The company remains strongly
committed to finding technical solutions to management problems. We
continue to believe that machines are fairer and more reliable than
managers. We also believe that our trusted employees will do the
right thing when given no other choice.
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