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YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF... (PART II) 
Redneck Jokes
..."Bambi" made you hungry for rabbit!
...An expired license plate means another decoration for your living
room wall.
...a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
...a policeman asks for your ID, and you answer, "About what?"
...a tornado goes through your trailer's yard and makes it look
neater.
...after the divorce you still call your Ex "Cuz".
...any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.
...anytime your kids see a dog they get out their ropes and lasso it
and tackle it to the ground.
...at least one of the kitchen appliances on your front porch is more
than forty years old.
...baling wire and a pair of pliers are what you consider high tech
tools.
...bikers back down from your momma.
...birds are attracted to your beard.
...burger King won't let you do it your way, right away.
...coons get into everyone else's trash but yours.
...fewer than half of your cars run.
...going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves shoes
and a flashlight.
...if you are 20 and you can still go in McDonald's playhouse.
...if you think Purina is some kind of Ex-Lax.
...in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
...in the delivery room, your husband says, "That's worse than
skinning a deer!"
...in tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"
...instead of flossing you use a plunger.
...instead of locking the doors of your house, you keep a shotgun
within reach, "just in case".
...it's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
...motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.
...on stag night, you take a real deer.
...on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to
the tractor.
...one of the options on your truck is a spitoon.
...one of your kids was born on a pool table!
...people hear your car long before they see it.
...people mistakenly come to your house thinking your having a yard
sale.
...rather than drinking the sacramental wine at church you bring your
own!
...red Man sends you a Christmas card.
...santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
...smith and Wesson attended your wedding without an invitation and
there was nothing you could do about it.
...taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
...taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
...the ASPCA raids your kitchen.
...the Roto-Rooter man calls for backup when visiting your house.
...the Salvation Army declines your mattress.
...the antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.
...the diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking
Institute".
...the dogcatcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.
...the fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."
...the flood history of the area can be seen on your living room
walls.
...the fuel for your main mode of transportation is oats.
...the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
...the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false
teeth.
...the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your
car.
...the interviewer asks, '"Did you know that we are a Fortune 500
Company?'" And you answer, '"What track do y'all sponsor that race
at? I ain't been to that one yet."


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