|A farmer buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool, chops,
etc... After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting
pregnant and phones a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he
should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest
idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only
asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet
tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down
in the grass and roll around when they are pregnant.
The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the
conclusion that artificial insemination means that he has to impregnate
the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the
woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are
all still standing around, he concludes that the first try did not take and
loads them into the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs
each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One
more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them
out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon
returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at
the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying
in the grass. "No", she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them is
honking the horn."
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A diet for Blondes
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want
you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this
procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, ...