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This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say the
help desk employee was fired; However, he/she is currently suing the
WordPerfect organization for "Termination without cause".

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

TECH: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

CALLER: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect"

TECH: "What sort of trouble?"

CALLER: "Well. I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went

TECH: "Went away?"

CALLER: "They disappeared."

TECH: "Hmm - So what does your screen took like now?"

CALLER: "Nothing."

TECH: "Nothing?"

CALLER: "It's blank; It won't accept anything when I type."

TECH: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

CALLER: "How do I tell?"

TECH: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

CALLER: "What's a sea-prompt?"

TECH: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

CALLER: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything when


TECH: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

CALLER: "What's a monitor?"

TECH: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it
have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

CALLER: "I don't know."

TECH: "Well, then look on the back of thee monitor and find where the power
cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

CALLER: "Yes I think so."

TECH: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into
the wall."

CALLER: "Yes it is."

TECH: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
cables plugged into the back of it. Not just one?"


TECH: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the
other cable."

CALLER: "Okay, here it is."

TECH: "Follow it for me and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back
of your computer."

CALLER: "I can't reach."

TECH: "Uh huh. Well. Can you see if it is?"


TECH: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

CALLER: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - its because
it's dark."

TECH: "Dark?"

CALLER: "Yes. The office light is off and the only light I have is coming
in from the window."

TECH: "Well turn on the light then."

CALLER: "I can't."

TECH: "No? Why not?"

CALLER: "Because there's a power outage."

TECH: "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you
still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

CALLER: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

TECH: "Cool. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it
was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

CALLER: "Really. Is it that bad?"

TECH: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

CALLER: "Well, all right then, I suppose - What do I tell them?"

TECH: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

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