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YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF... (PART III) 
Redneck Jokes
...the most common phrase in your house is, "Someone go jiggle the
handle."
...the oak tree in the front yard is an essential piece of automotive
repair equipment (how else are you gonna pull the engine out of the
old Dodge?)
...the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.
...the taillight covers of your car are made of tape.
...the tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
...there are more fish on your wall than pictures.
...there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your
dog.
...there has ever been a crime scene tape across your bathroom door!
...there is a gun rack on your bicycle.
...there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in
your truck.
...there is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
...there is more oil in your cap than in your car.
...there's a pothole in the road and you swerve . . . to hit it.
...warp drive describes the condition of your car.
...when the back fills up with empty beer cans, you get another
pickup and start all over again.
...when you hear someone talking about the king you don't know
whether they're talking about Elvis or Richard Petty.
...when you say, "Let's hit the hay," you actually MEAN it.
...when your wife walks in front of you it looks like two pigs
fighting in a gunny sack.
...you argue to the government that the budwiser plant should be one
of the 7 wonders of the world.
...you believe All-Star Wrestling!
...you believe books are bad luck!
...you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at
work.
...you bring your dog to work with you.
...you buy the lot next to your house because you need the room for
all your "stuff" (cars, trucks building materials).
...you can feed a family of five on ONE McDonald's Extra Value Meal.
...you can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but
can't remember how old your children are.
...you can remember the entire NASCAR series schedule but can't
remember your wife’s birthday, kids birthday, or anniversary.
...you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law
against it.
...you can't go to church this year because your Sunday socks are
being used as the truck's gas cap.
...you can't take a bath in the winter 'cause the stream is frozen.
...you celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it.
...you clean your car or truck out with a leaf blower.
...you complain about the ban on assault weapons because it make half
your guns illegal.
...you consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the
left arm below the shirt sleeve...
...you consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid
flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
...you consider pickled deer organs a delicacy.
...you drive around a parking lot for fun.
...you ever wonder what happened to that nice John F. Kennedy boy.
...you gave your young son a super-soaker water gun and an NRA
application for his birthday.
...you get up EARLY on Saturday to go yard sale shopping for
entertainment.
...you go to a museum to see the naked babes in the paintings.
...you go to a tupperware party for a haircut.
...you go to garage sales to shop for Christmas gifts.
...you go to the dentist for a "Tooth Cleaning".
...you go to the post office to research your family tree.
...you go to your local pet shop for a cat scan.
...you got your tater gun hangin' over your couch in your living room
as a conversation piece.
...you hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make
it look nice.
...you haul more than U-Haul.
...you have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.


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