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YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF... (PART IV)
Redneck Jokes
...you have a bowling machine in your kitchen.
...you have a clawfoot bathtub.
...you have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
...you have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
...you have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.
...you have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can.
...you have an autographed picture of Bob Barker in your wallet.
...you have every episode of "Hee Haw" on tape.
...you have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front
yard!
...you have sworn on your mother's grave while she is standing beside
you.
...you have the policeman hold your beer while you get your license.
...you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can
get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.
...you have to check your coke can before you take a drink just in
case you have mistaken it for your spit can.
...you have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
...you keep a chainsaw in the trunk "just in case".
...you learned to drive in a monster truck!
...you list your parole officer as a reference.
...you look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'
...you only bathe when it rains.
...you own a homemade fur coat.
...you own at least 20 baseball hats.
...you pick up your girfriend on a bike for the prom.
...you picked your teeth from a catalog.
...you picket your horses on your lawn so you won't have to mow it.
...you pull up to a gas station in a limo to buy a can of Skoal.
...you recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck!
...you refer to the Surgeon General's Warning on a pack of cigarettes
as your medical encyclopedia.
...you refer to your cousin as "my girlfriend".
...you refuse to slide during a softball game because you don't want
to crush your cigarettes!
...you refuse to wash your truck on account that you have a strong
suspicion that mud and rust is all that's holding it together.
...you roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
...you save old kitchen appliances for children's Christmas
presents.
...you save old kitchen appliances for target practice.
...you saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.
...you see a forest fire and think 'Bar-bee-Q'.
...you see a sign that says "bridge out" and you try to jump it.
...you sell your car for gas money.
...you shot your own 12 point coat rack.
...you smoke during your deer hunt after scent-proofing yourself all
month.
...you spell fertilizer with only 4 letters.
...you spell out NASCAR in Christmas lights.
...you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and
cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
...you stop to flirt with the person running the drive through at
McDonalds.
...you surf the net primarily for tater gun building instructions.
...you take a fishing pole to Sea World.
...you take the back window out of your pickup because it's easier to
chuck the empty beer cans in the back that way.
...you think "Dueling Banjos" is classical music.
...you think "Meals on Wheels" is another name for roadkill.
...you think 'possum is the "other white meat".
...you think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth.
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