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YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF... (PART V) 
Redneck Jokes
...you think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.
...you think a computer hacker carries an axe.
...you think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
...you think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
...you think cur is a breed of dog.
...you think mud rasslin' should be an Olympic sport.
...you think people that send out graduation announcements are
show-offs.
...you think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
...you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are
the three of the primary colors.
...you think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre.
...you think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just
"misunderstood".
...you think the internet is a new fishing tool.
...you think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Play
Ball..."
...you think the vowels are E..I..E..I..O.
...you think those yellow traffic signs that say "Slow children at
play" means the kids in the area are not too bright.
...you think your IQ is the number of coons you shot out of season.
...you use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.
...you use a pig for a garbage disposal.
...you use the O on a stop sign to sight your new rifle.
...you use the same tree your dog does!
...you use your fishing license as a form of I.D.
...you wake up the day after your wedding to find your sister next to
you.
...you wake up with chocolate in your ears after spending the night
in a fine hotel.
...you watch "The Dukes Of Hazzard" and have to find someone to
explain it to you.
...you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
...you were conceived, born and taught on a pool table.
...you were shooting pool when any of your children were born!
...you were shooting pool when your kids were born.
...you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the
car.
...you're 42 and still have clowns come to your birthday party.
...you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it
gets light.
...you're an expert on worm beds.
...you're considered an expert on worm beds!
...you're mowing your lawn and find a car.
...you're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
...you're wearing a camoflauge jacket and dipping in your driver's
license pic.
...you've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
...you've ever been arrested for bootleggin'.
...you've ever been arrested for loitering.
...you've ever been involved in a custody fight over a dog!
...you've ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin' dog.
...you've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
...you've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend
your sister's honor.
...you've ever entered yourself in a "Howdy Doody Look-alike"
Contest.
...you've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.
...you've ever financed a tattoo.
...you've ever given a set of Tupperware ice tea glasses as a wedding
present.
...you've ever held somebody up with a caulk gun.
...you've ever hitchhiked naked,
...you've ever made change in the offering plate.


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